I suppose the writing was on the wall when Panzer Attack failed to turn up for their much (at least by me) anticipated acoustic set at Music in the Basement at Whitby Coliseum.
Also it would have given me the chance to talk tea with them, a subject dear to my heart. A few weeks ago I donated a selection of teabags, which I elaborately coded and sent by post to their Glaisdale HQ, with the intention of doing a tea review, perhaps with a bit of musical chit chat thrown into the pot for good measure.
Sadly it was not to be, as the following missive arrived by electronic mail like a bolt out of the blue moorland sky.
Alright mate, just letting you know that we've broken up so we won't be able to finish that tea review unfortunately!
Basically none of us can be bothered with it any more and we all have other stuff to do with our little lives. But this is the official, public, reason for the split...
Unfortunately, Panzer Attack are no more. Guitarist Shepton, after a nasty bout of tea poisoning, decided he could no longer handle the rock and left to start a hippie commune in southern Belarus.
Upon hearing this news, Leeds reverted back to his natural form: a bear. The confused and angry young Leeds could no longer fulfil his duty as bassist, so he was set loose by the remaining members of the band into the wilderness of southern Belarus. It is not yet clear if this was a coincidence or not but it has been reported that an entire hippie commune in the area was in fact mauled by a shaven baby bear.
Due to "Tax Issues", Swell has declared himself bankrupt and fled to South Africa, he says of the situation "Aye it's alright like, got blacklisted from me own country though.........it's shite anyway.......aye..........Broken Britain I say.........(trails off into incoherent rant)".
It has recently come to light that guitarist Josh has been collecting all the royalties from the band's platinum record sales on the sly and has spent it all on Salmon, Venison and Veal. He is currently suffering with gout which has prevented his solo tour "The Mighty World Of Josh (He Who is Master of All, Especially Table Football)" from going ahead as planned.
Kate is said to be doing just fine, despite recent allegations of her trying to comandeer the HMS Endeavour and house it within the world's largest bottle.
Cheers, Shepton x