Gentlemen, have you ever tried getting into Rosie O'Grady's to see Carl Robinson play his astonishingly accomplished covers of Shadows tunes (Wonderful Land is a particular favourite) with a hat on?
Every Thursday we go there, and I often wear a small wooly beany type hat, because it is my right to do so. It has nothing to do with male pattern baldness and the fact that the wind off the harbour is a bit cold sometimes. Let's just get that straight. OK?
A friendly bouncer always asks, in a very polite fashion, if I will be kind enough to remove the offending item of headwear prior to entering. This is on strict Police advice. No hats in Rosie's! So does this rule apply across the board?
Well apparently not. Goths are allowed in with hats on! Let's just think that through for a minute, shall we? It means this fellow on the left, who could quite clearly be hiding a huge sharp scimitar, or even a loaded AK47 under that gargantuan stovepipe topper, would be welcomed in to order his cider and black, before killing everybody.
Rabbi Joel Dinnerstein here, who merely wants to watch Keith Newby in his 'Rock Of Ages' jacket perform a disappointing version of Parisian Walkways, would be turned away. Why? Because of his dangerous cap, of course.
Still, looking on the bright side, there's no chance of Jamiroquai ever playing Rosie's!
Hats off to North Yorkshire Police!